RebeccasReads

A Practical Guide for Raising a Self-Directed and Caring Child: An Alternative to the Tiger Mother Parenting Style

Parents nowadays are anxious to give their children a good start and this guide is a valuable handbook to direct them in developing skills to successfully raise their children.

Lichtman begins with pre and post natal care.  He examines how the change in lifestyle, financial responsibilities, health and nutrition and home environment will impact the emerging family.  He then encourages parents to provide the best start for the child by establishing safe yet stimulating surroundings in which the child can explore. He also explores arrangements for childcare.  These preparatory chapters set the positive enriching atmosphere in which to begin parenting.

Building self-esteem, setting limits and disciplining are discussed, as are role modeling and communication.  Children test limits and need to know at what point they have to face consequences. Techniques are offered for setting guidelines and maintaining consistency to help create a more confident child. Parents doing this in safe surroundings prepare the child for the “real world.”

Parenting skills are important to develop.  “Helicopter” parents, those who hover and micromanage their children’s lives are doing them a disservice by intervening.  They tend to step in to fix problems rather than teach the skills necessary for self-direction.  Many methods are suggested to cope with social problems and risky behavior, such as alcohol, drug use, and sexual promiscuity. Divorce and other alternative family configurations are also discussed.
 
The concept of " A Practical Guide for Raising a Self-Directed and Caring Child" is to guide the parent into creating a caring, independent, self-reliant child who has developed a good set of values and behavioral skills so he can meet successfully meet life’s challenges with confidence.

A Practical Guide for Raising a Self-Directed and Caring Child: An Alternative to the Tiger Mother Parenting Style
Louis J. Lichtman, Ph.D.
iUniverse (2011)
ISBN 9781450293617
Reviewed by Enid Grabiner for RebeccasReads (8/11)

When Your Child Is Being Bullied: Real Solutions for Parents, Educators & Other Professionals

As an adult most of us have vivid childhood memories of the class bully calling names, threatening, pushing or hitting.   We may have not been the victim but were certainly at one time or another,   bystanders watching the abuse.  Most observers are reluctant to step in for fear of repercussions. The emotional power held by the bully can diminish victimized child’s self-confidence and self-esteem.

Years ago parents let the kids “fight it out” but now this more savvy generation is more pro-active in intervening and promoting resolutions.  They are aware of behavioral signs of agitation and are proactive in getting to the bottom of the problem.  None of this comes about without help from trained educators and therapists who understand the consequences of letting a situation get out of hand.

This book is a how-to guide for parents to train themselves in bully awareness, control and intervention.  Chapters are carefully built upon identifying the reason for the problem, responding to the child, and attending to the resolution.  Parents can educate themselves as to what options are available to protect their child.

There are all sorts of reasons explored that precipitate bullying such as a child’s size, race, weight issues, religion, and financial status to name a few. As a parent you can learn techniques to question and communicate with your child, comfort and support him.  There are guides not only for the parents of the bullied child but also for the parents who have a bully. Sometimes the solution is easy and oftentimes intervention by professionals is necessary. This syllabus provides a building block of avenues to explore for a positive outcome.

When Your Child Is Being Bullied: Real Solutions for Parents, Educators & Other Professionals
J.E. DiMarco and M.K. Newman
Vivishpere Publishing (2011)
ISBN 9781587761812
Reviewed by Enid Grabiner by RebeccasReads (8/11)

Innocent War

In the opening pages of Susan Violante’s “Innocent War,” Violante tells that reader that, “I wrote a book to get to know my father, and in the process I got to know myself.  This didn’t come without hardship, loneliness, disappointment, and frustration as I set myself to break the circle of silence between parents and their sons and daughters.  I was clear in my quest.  I convinced my father to tape his accounts so that I could transcribe them and leave his legacy to his grandchildren.  My goal of getting to know my dad was achieved at the very moment I got the tapes.  Little did I know that listening to them would bring so many other quests and dreams.”  (p. xiii)

When Violante sat down and listened to the tapes she realized that she couldn’t just keep the story in her family; her father Nino’s story was so powerful that she needed to share it with the world.  So, this is how “Innocent War,” Book 1 in the “Behind an Immigrant’s Past Series” came to fruition and I, for one, am glad that she shared his adventures.

The story is told through a young boy’s point of view and is a book that once you pick up you will be unable to put down.  I thoroughly enjoyed reading about Nino and his family’s life throughout WWII.  It was a neat perspective to look at the situations from a child’s point of view and I learned a lot relating to the history of the time period. 

Other than some editing issues, “Innocent War” is an excellent work that I would highly recommend.  Violante successfully takes an era out of a history book and brings it to life in a way that is interesting and at the same time educational.  I could see “Innocent War” being part of a high school/college history class curriculum.  It would supplement a textbook nicely by bringing real faces and stories to the events of that time period.  I greatly look forward to reading the next installment in the “Behind an Immigrant’s Past Series.”  I am truly enjoying Nino’s story and can’t wait to see where he and his family go from here.

Innocent War
Susan Violante
Outskirts Press (2011)
ISBN 9781432770471
Reviewed by Kam Aures for RebeccasReads (7/11)

Smart Parenting for Smart Kids: Nurturing Your Child's True Potential

In the Introduction to “Smart Parenting for Smart Kids,” Eileen Kennedy-Moore, Ph. D. and Mark S. Lowenthal, PsyD tell us that “there’s a wrong way and a right way to use this book.  The wrong way is to view it as over two hundred pages of stuff you need to ‘fix’ or ‘improve’ about your child or a long list of even more things you ought to be doing, on top of everything else you’re doing, to be a good parent.  The right way to use this book is as a resource to support your current efforts to raise a happy, healthy, productive, and kind child.”  (p. 8)

When I was reading this book I was amazed at how much I saw my older son in it.  Right away in the opening of Chapter 1, which deals with perfectionism, I saw listings of particular traits which he possesses.  From here on out I knew that this was going to be a book that was going to be applicable to my family and one that I knew I was going to learn a lot from.  My expectations were definitely met as I continued to read.

One of the recommendations in the chapter on perfectionism is to not check over your child’s homework.  I am a parent who does check over my child’s homework and when I first read this I thought that this was something that I would never be able to stop doing.  As I read more though I understood the authors’ points and see how this could actually, in some ways, harm my child.  In the fall, I am going to make an effort to let my son do more on his own and learn that mistakes here and there are not the end of the world.

I highly recommend “Smart Parenting for Smart Kids” to any parent of a “bright” child.  I think that this book will greatly help you understand your child and, as the back cover states, to “make the most of their abilities and become capable, confident, and caring people.” 

Smart Parenting for Smart Kids: Nurturing Your Child's True Potential
Eileen Kennedy-Moore, Ph. D. and Mark S. Lowenthal, PsyD
Jossey-Bass (2011)
ISBN 9780470640050
Reviewed by Kam Aures for Rebecca’s Reads (06/11)

Sam Feels Better Now! An Interactive Story for Children

In the Introduction to “Sam Feels Better Now:  An Interactive Story for Children,” the author states: “This book presents stage one of trauma therapy for children (Brack 2007).  It will help those with psychological injury from abuse or other causes.  The intention is for the child to use it in conjunction with a therapist.  This can occur over a period of time, not necessarily within one session.  Further work may be needed following completion of this book.  The therapist is encouraged to follow this program while consulting with caregivers to create a safe, supportive environment for their child and family.”  (p.1)

What follows is an interactive story about a young boy named Sam who visits a therapist with his mother.  Sam has been scared by something and is having difficulty sleeping, eating, and getting along with others.  The therapist takes him through a series of activities including drawing, playing, and telling stories aimed at the goal of helping Sam to feel better.  Throughout the book there are areas where the child is invited to draw pictures to help Sam.  For instance, “Can you help Sam by drawing ways that will help him relax?” (p.27)

The author of the book, Jill Osborne holds is a Licensed Professional Counselor with a M.S. and Ed. S in professional counseling.   This book, “Sam Feels Better Now:  An Interactive Story for Children” contains elements of trauma therapy, play therapy, and expressive therapy to help children work through their situations.

I think that any therapist working with children would benefit from having this book on hand.  The text of the story is easy for a young child to understand while the interactive format of “Sam Feels Better Now:  An Interactive Story for Children” allows for a child to open up and feel comfortable in expressing themselves in a fun and non-intimidating manner.  They will be able to relate to the main character Sam and will hopefully achieve the same results that he does.

Sam Feels Better Now! An Interactive Story for Children
Jill Osborne
Loving Healing Press (2008)
ISBN 9781932690606
Reviewed by Kam Aures for RebeccasReads (4/11)

The Odd Tales of an Old Man

Edward Cardillo begins his novel, “The Odd Tales of an Old Man” with the following dedication:  “This book is dedicated to the elderly whose wisdom all too often remains untapped, but whose actions and experiences have shaped the world as we know it.”

In the opening pages of the novel, the reader is introduced to Heather Enright and her two sons, Sean and Connor.  Heather is a single parent and isn’t around her boys much.  There is no father figure in their lives and the men that parade through the home probably do more harm than good.  This results in the boys, particularly Connor, becoming quite wild.

Heather tells the boys that they are going to visit their grandfather who is dying in a nursing home.  Being that they have never met their grandfather, and that they know that their mom hasn’t spoken to their grandfather since she was a teenager, the boys aren’t all that excited about going.  The initial meeting isn’t the smoothest, but the old man tells them quite an array of tales on that, and on all of their future, visits.  Will the old man’s wisdom and knowledge shared through these tales be enough to help the boys?

I thought that the idea of the book was a good one and I was intrigued with the boys’ interaction with their grandfather.  The odd tales that the man told them were interesting and I enjoyed the lessons that came out of each one.  The book, however, was quite predictable and in some areas seemed to drag and in other areas seemed to not have enough detail.  I wish we would have seen more of Sean and Connor’s lives.  The areas of the book where they weren’t listening to their grandfather’s tales were sparse and seemed to just fly by leaving me without a true sense of who the characters really were.  Overall, while the concept was a good one, the execution was a bit lacking for me.  However, if you don’t mind a predictable read, the old man’s tales are full of wisdom and some are quite interesting.

The Odd Tales of an Old Man
Edward P. Cardillo
Lulu (2010)
ISBN 9780557570768
Reviewed by Kam Aures for RebeccasReads (4/11)

Reena’s Bollywood Dream

“Reena’s Bollywood Dream” is a book that addresses the important issue of sexual abuse.  Reena is a young 8-year-old girl who dreams of being a Bollywood star.  When her pen pal, her Uncle Jessi, emigrates from India to the U.S., he brings her a Bollywood movie.  Reena is enthralled with copying the dance moves of the Indian actress on the screen.

Her parents don’t approve of her dreams to be an actress.  They want better for her.  Her Uncle Jessi though, however, encourages her.  He even gives her a gift of a tiny little blouse and a skirt.  He has her put it on in the same room as him and urges her to dance while he video tapes her.  Uncle Jessi starts to take things a little too far but Reena gets away and goes to tell her parents.

When I first picked up the book to read, I was very curious as to how the author would approach the subject of sexual abuse in a children’s book.  I was very pleased with how the sensitive issue was handled in a way that was extremely appropriate for young children.  She definitely gets the point across in a way that is not overly graphic for a young child.

The topic of sexual abuse can be a difficult one to address with your children.   Reading “Reena’s Bollywood Dream” would be an excellent first step in this process and then you can go from there.  As one can tell from the title, the book is written from a South Asian perspective.  However, generally the concept of sexual abuse is the same in any culture.  Although one may have to explain “Bollywood” and other terms to a child who is unfamiliar with this culture, the main point of the book will still be easily understand.  There is even a glossary in the front for those, like me, who are not familiar with such terms as “nani” and “lengha.”  I believe that this book would be appropriate for anyone wanting to educate their child about the topic of sexual abuse.

Reena’s Bollywood Dream
Jewel Kats
Loving Healing Press (2010)
ISBN 9781615990146
Reviewed by Kam Aures for Rebecca’s Reads (04/11)

Gentling: A Practical Guide to Treating PTSD in Abused Children

William E Krill, Jr. LPC begins "Gentling: A Practical Guide to Treating PTSD in Abused Children” with the following paragraph:  “What would the world be like without gentleness?  Gentleness is such a basic human characteristic that we often take for granted.  Gentleness appears to be so basic that even animals can be seen behaving in a gentle fashion following the birth of offspring.  Some may argue that such behavior is simply instinctive for the animal mother; a measure to ensure the growth of the baby and thus the continuation of the species.”  (p. 1) From this description comes the concept of “Gentling” which Krill describes as, “the process of delivering the balm of gentle gestures.”  (p.1)

After the introductory section describing the main concept, Krill goes on to define PTSD and specifically look at the signs and symptoms of PTSD in children.  Then he explains how to employ the Gentling techniques and approaches.

I found Krill’s presentation to be very straight-forward and to the point.  The use of the case studies throughout the book was a wonderful way to illustrate and drive home the main points of the book.  Appendix A, B, C, and D, at the end of the book provide the reader with a number of valuable tools and resources such as a “Child Stress Profile,” information about “Fostering a Sexually Abused Child,” and charts depicting “Stress Signs in Children with PTSD.”

“Gentling: A Practical Guide to Treating PTSD in Abused Children” is a very thorough and comprehensive guide.  I believe any mental health professional, physician, parent, or foster parent would benefit from reading this book and following the approach and techniques outlined within.

Gentling: A Practical Guide to Treating PTSD in Abused Children
William E. Krill, Jr. LPC
Loving Healing Press (2010)
ISBN 9781615990030
Reviewed by Kam Aures for Rebeccasreads.com (11/10)

Scarred: A Memoir

“My wrists were wrapped in strips of sheared towels and bound together by chicken wire.  Chill penetrated my aching shoulder blades.  I was seven years old, trapped in a basement and already used to pain.  A sturdy belt, looped through the restraints, suspended me from a hook in the ceiling.  The towels were meant to stop the wire from cutting into skin.  Though the banded loops smarted, they never broke he flesh.  My hands hurt, then stung, then felt as if they were on fire.  My heartbeat pulsating through the swollen digits followed the dissipation of the sensation of scorching heat.  In the end, my hands went numb.  The cramps in my calves, joints, and bones were what eventually made me pliable to his will.”  (p.3)

This disturbing visual is taken from Chapter One in George Molho’s memoir, “Scarred.”  At the age of seven, Molho was kidnapped by his father and was abused both mentally and physically.  The above account is just one of the many horrifying tragic situations that young Molho experienced in his childhood.  I have a child similar in age to the age that Molho was when these events took place and just reading about the trauma that he has been through made my stomach turn.

The most important thing though is that “Scarred” is ultimately a story of survival.  In addition to writing his memoir, Molho also speaks publicly on the topics of child abduction, domestic abuse and also about healing.  I commend him for coming forth and sharing his story with others in hopes that it will empower those who went through similar life experiences to recover and move on. 

“Scarred:  A Memoir” is a very powerful autobiographical work and one that will hold your unfailing attention.  Although some of the imagery can be a little heartbreaking, Mohlo’s story is an important one and his writing will definitely touch and leave a lasting impression on anyone who reads the book.

Scarred: A Memoir
George Molho
iUniverse (2010)
ISBN 9781440195136
Reviewed by Kam Aures for Rebecca’s Reads (12/10)

Born with a Rusty Spoon

“Born with a Rusty Spoon” is the memoir of Bertie Stroup Marah, who according to the “About the Author” section at the end of the book “has become a nationally recognized artist with her work twice featured in the American artist’s magazine Watercolor.  Her art is featured throughout the book and I thought that the inclusion of it greatly enhanced her story.

I enjoyed reading her collection of memories from her childhood years.  Right from Chapter One which begins when Marah was three-years-old I was hooked.  The first memory shared is about how Marah used to urinate in her pants in order to gain her mother’s attention.  This act caused her mother to have to turn her attention from whatever task she was doing in order to tend to Marah’s soiled pants.

From here the author chronicles many more of her life experiences such as their lack of indoor plumbing and electricity, living in a variety of different places, her parents’ drinking and the effects it had on her family, as well as many other situations and instances that influenced her while growing up.   All of these stories compiled together make for an interesting read with a very nostalgic feel.

If you enjoy reading memoirs I would recommend “Born with a Rusty Spoon.”  Marah has some unique stories to tell and together they make a wonderful memoir.  To be honest, I had never heard of Marah’s work before reading this memoir, but I really enjoyed the illustrations in the book and have since sought out to view more of her work online.  She is a talented artist and author.

Born with a Rusty Spoon
Bertie Stroup Marah
Plain View Press (2010)
ISBN 9781935514664
Reviewed by Kam Aures for RebeccasReads (11/10)

The Normal Side of Insanity

“In the midst of mothers and daughters, there are only survivors, survivors with or without success. Can one ever understand why the pain and torture, why the battle lines, when neither asked to be born but both asked to survive? Some survive by denial while others survive by reality. Either way, the price for survival is high, sometimes too high. I paid a high price for survival. Feel blessed if none of this makes sense to you for then you can feel that what you had or have as a mother or daughter must be better than what you will read.” (Preface) In the author's own words, I felt “blessed” that the opening passage did not resonate with me. I also felt a sense of sadness for what I knew I was about to read. “The Normal Side of Insanity” is one of the most devastating and heartbreaking stories that I have read in awhile. Marynell suffered so many forms and instances of abuse while growing up. Her description of the sexual and physical abuse inflicted upon her was even painful to read, much less imagining someone actually going through those horrible experiences. Although “The Normal Side of Insanity” could have greatly benefited from further editing, I commend Marynell Lund for coming forth and sharing the pain and anguish of her past with us. Hopefully by Marynell sharing her story she will inspire others to seek help and to put their pasts behind them. I was happy to read on the back cover that Marynell has turned her life around and is reaching out to help others through speaking engagements.

The Normal Side of Insanity
Marynell Lund
Infinity Publishing (2010)
ISBN 9780741458964
Reviewed by Kam Aures for Rebecca’s Reads (11/10)

Your Child’s Dreams

In the effort to become better parents we often are hyper-alert about our children’s personal and educational development.  We try to observe and listen, looking for both positive and negative cues in which to respond.  We want to nurture their creativity and allay their fears, but first we must be able to identify them.  Dr. Pam Spurr addresses the issue of children’s dreams as a vehicle to understanding their emotional well-being.  She offers examples of common dreams, explains possible meaning of objects, people and settings in these dream sequences, poses questions to ask our children and presents exercises to stimulate further communication about them.

Many of the examples are done as case studies in which a child’s dream is presented, followed by a contextual analysis, the child’s emotion response and ways in which an adult can respond to them through communication and dreamercises.

It is obvious that many of these scenarios are analyzed and interpreted by the author-psychologist who is adept at identifying family issues and their effects upon the children. I think that the use of the professional is often necessary in dealing with many of the situations that impact the troubled family unit.  Many of the families presented appear to have sought out assistance in recognizing problem and have a therapeutic agenda.

I think that trying to recognize and classify dream symbolism by an untrained parent can be dangerous.  While there are common associations that a parent can relate to when responding to a child’s dream, he must do so with caution so as not to misinterpret or give more importance to a symbol than it demands.  This however, is an interesting book that can make a parent aware of possible meaning of his child’s dream in dealing with family, school and friendships.  Approaching techniques presented could be useful if the parent can employ them judiciously and naturally in conversation.  It really is the encouraged stimulation of communication that will ultimately strength trust in the relationship.

Your Child’s Dreams
Dr. Pam Spurr
Connections Book Publishing (2009)
ISBN 9781859062883
Reviewed by Enid Grabiner for RebeccasReads (09/10)